For those of you that know me and those of you that don’t I am 22 and in a gay relationship. I am very happy with the person I am with and I love her do much. There is just one thing missing. I want us to be more of a butch-femme couple.
Don’t get me wrong I’m not one of those people who feels the need to fit into a gender stereo type to please everyone else around me. I am perfectly happy in my own skin. I just feel that there is something sexy about being the femminne submissive one in the relationship. Whilst my partner straps down her boobs and straps one on and does the D.I.Y. I think it’s about feeling safe too knowing that I’m looked after.
Does anyone else feel this way, that there perfect relationship consists of having car doors opened for them and bring treated like a princess? Or vice versa of course.
Or am I asking too much?
Is feeling rather lonley as my gf is in the other room with her nest friend without me. :-(.
, I know I can’t sleep so I haven’t even tried to. I’m saving myself the frustration. I’ve been laying on my back and staring at bumps in the ceiling paint. It’s one of those nights where I wish I was somewhat brain dead, just existing, no thinking or feelings.
I have to be up at 6:30 to go to work. Surrounded by People that don’t know me. And I know I’m going to struggle making any serious friends, Numbing everything and pretending all is fine.
I just want to escape it all now. Move away, find a new life and not have to worry about what this one’s doing. Just carry on and fuck everything. I wish life wasn’t so hard. If I could jump on a plane and go somewhere where tomorrow I would.
Apparently I deserve a lot more than everything I’ve deserved. Apparently I shouldn’t of been made to feel how I have. Apparently I shouldn’t dislike myself , or put myself down. Maybe someone could sit down with me one day and maybe begin to understand why I think the way .
No-one knows how abusive I got to myself, No-one will ever know. That’s the hard thing sometimes, knowing no-one was there, despite all these things said, no-one helped me stop over drinking, cutting myself, under eating, being sick each morning. No-one knows that I won’t do it again even if sometimes it is a battle„ no-one knows that I still want to desperately lose weight so I feel attractive again.
I like to feel life slipping away from me sometimes. Then I realise the most amazing person who has ever walked into my life is fast asleep in our bed waiting for cuddles. She is the only thing that keeps me going sometimes. Aia don’t know what I would do without her. I wish I could tell her how life hurts sometimes but I don’t want to worry her. I just want to protect her from my pain, from things that she wouldn’t understand.
I NEED YOU LIKE I NEED AIR <3